A Surrogate's Journey
Friday, November 3, 2006 – 8:12 AM
Posted by May

Guest blogger Erika Fuchs is a 23-year-old single mom who is studying biology on her way to a medical career, and coloring outside of the lines with her preschooler. She lives in St. Louis Park with her 3-year-old son, Tavin, and recently gave birth to twins as a gestational surrogate.

 
IT is strange to answer with “Oh, thank you, but they are not my babies,” when someone congratulates you on your pregnancy.

This was the truth though, when I was pregnant with the twins to whom I gave birth in June this year. Through all the belly rubs and well wishes, I often wondered whether to just smile and nod or try to explain.

As a surrogate, you are taking on the role of temporary caregiver for the child or children of another family. You’re helping someone realize their goal of having a child.

I first considered becoming a surrogate as a teenager after witnessing families with fertility issues. Then I found out about the requirement that a woman must first have her own child. Once I became a mother myself, I decided to go forward with finding an agency to deal with the legalities and uncomfortable money talks. (Some surrogates handle things independently.)

There is nothing simple about the process. Psychological evaluations, endless medical testing, background checks, contracts and lawyers, injecting yourself with hormones, and don’t forget, pregnancy, labor and delivery! I actually enjoy the last three, and I think most surrogates do. I chose to become a gestational surrogate, meaning the child or children would not be biologically related to me.

After finding a family, signing contracts and a second transfer of embryos, I became pregnant. With twins! Imagine our surprise and excitement to see two on that first ultrasound. The journey was beginning.

The pregnancy wasn’t all easy. Hormones and fatigue made my emotions go up and down. I withdrew from one class and wasn’t as attentive to my son and boyfriend as I wanted to be. Because of travel restrictions, I couldn’t visit my terminally ill mother toward the end of my pregnancy. While I did see her before she died, our time together was limited.

I often felt frustrated and lost. Would the end justify the means?

My water broke while shopping at Target, and the look on the face of the person at the checkout was priceless. I picked up my son at day care and a friend drove us to the hospital. The twins were born after a relatively uneventful labor and a smooth vaginal delivery.

Their father stood in amazement a few seconds after he cut the second baby’s umbilical cord, until I told him he didn’t need to stay with me and should go see his babies. I recovered quickly, and the babies were healthy and beautiful, albeit tiny.

I was able to hold the twins before they left the hospital. As I expected, the connection I felt to them was as a caregiver, not a mother.

I do believe that those considering surrogacy should be aware it is not all sunshine and roses. Surrogacy will probably exacerbate any other life issues you have. A good support system and altruistic motives are important. I do not fit the typical profile of a surrogate mother. Most women who choose to become surrogates are married, middle-class homeowners who are done building their own families, but enjoy being pregnant.

The memories and lessons in giving this much of myself will last a lifetime. And the compensation I received for my time and effort covered an entire year of rent, helped offset day care costs for my son, and paid off my lone, low-limit credit card.

I received photos of the babies yesterday and have been told I am welcome to visit. They are healthy, happy and thriving. This is a case where the end justifies the means. The two lives I helped bring into the world are worth, to their families, the world.